Eye Dee Kay

 

            So as it stands right now, Christmas is three days away. As it stands right now, the Christmas decorations in my house consist of a three-foot Christmas tree in a corner on a table. Generally my family goes all out on Christmas decorations and Christmas; but this year for some reason no one cares too much. For me it’s because being home is enough. Being home was all I wanted for months and I’m finally here. For my mom and dad it’s because after dealing with having a blood clot in is leg for seven months; it just doesn’t feel any better and he doesn’t feel up to doing much. For my brother, I think it’s because he’s trying to distance himself from materialistic things. We’re supposed to decorate tomorrow... but I’m not sure how much we’re actually gonna do. It almost seems ridiculous to decorate now. 

   This Christmas is going to be odder than ever. For once it seems that I’m going to be the one giving most of the gifts. I finally have been able to have a job that gave me pretty decent money so I was able to go out and get stuff for everyone. Except my mom.. I’m getting her a poinsettia [to try to carry on the tradition that my grandfather started] and then a shopping spree. She always got me a bunch of crap whenever we went out shopping for things… so I thought it’d be nice to return the favor. Both my brother and father have declared that they don’t want anything for Christmas, which makes the task of getting them something even harder… because this year more than ever, I really want to get them things to show them how much I appreciate them.  I on the other hand I seem to be the only one who presented a wish list [cuz my parents told me to] soo it seems that I’ll be getting a jacket for Christmas along with both the Royal Tenimboms and Motorcycle Diaries DVDs for Christmas and a bunch of IOU’s [my mom refused to buy any of my Christmas gifts without me picking them out first.. lame.]. Bryan has no money and Dad never shops.. therefore I’m not sure how many gifts will be given out this year.

  I’m not sure if this Christmas is a sad decent or kind of a backfire at the American Christmas consumption. On one hand, it’s gotten a little ridiculous that my mom is worrying about getting the “right” thing that she refuses to buy anything without me there. I mean, whatever happened to giving a gift because you care? You know, giving from the heart? It’s not the gift, it’s the intention behind it. And on the other hand, you’ve got my brother and dad who say they don’t want anything. One because they have everything. The other because they refuse to give into materialism. I’m not sure.

All I know is that going shopping and worrying about weather someone’ll like what you’ve got them or not and looking for hours for something is ridiculously tiring, and would be even so if I wasn’t sick. Shopping for my friends in Chicago was A LOT easier.

  Coming home was incredibly nice though I must admit. As soon as I stepped into the baggage claim area, I was met by my best friend Trib who immediately ran to me and surrounded me in a hug while crying. I’ve never had someone so happy to see me that they’ve cried. It was a nice shock I guess. My friend Rel was there too along with Trib’s awesome new boyfriend Sam and my brother and parents. We went to Ihop after I dropped my crap off at my house. It amazed me how different some of the rooms in my house looked. They hadn’t changed since I’ve left [except the fact that my brother took my TV] but things were different.

  That night I got to see my other best friend Cam before he left, which was awesome too. Lol I drew him out a map to find my dorm since apparently he was going to be performing at the Hilton Chicago, which is a few blocks from my dorm. Lol He found my window and everything.

 Things have been a little weird though. I hung out with my friend [and exboyfriend] Alex Armstrong. I’m not quite sure what he expects..,. and to be honest I’m not really sure what to do. I mean, idk I’m still kinda in love with him but he’s going out with Rel… whom he’s insanely tired of being with since apparently she’s being a controlling whatever. He’s afraid to break up with her though.

  I played him a few songs from the mix tape I was making for him. Lol he acted like he didn’t remember why exactly I had put the Of Montreal song on there and made me explain it again.. which I didn’t really want to do… and yeah.. pretty much made me tell him that I loved him again.

  I met a few more of Trib’s friends last night at the fondue/Nintendo sha-bang. Idk me and her friend Lauren/Spanky kinda flirted all night…he started it. But idk man we hung out tonight just me and him and Peyton Brown and his friend Danny [who’s a girl]. Things are so very complicated. I hate it when things get complicated. He’s going off to Iraq soon to fight in the army. I’m going back to Chicago. Period. I’m going back to Chicago. I can’t get in any relationships. I’m not the person that just rushes into relationships specially when I don’t think it could or would go anywhere. The kid’s straight edge so I won’t be pushed into things.. but God I don’t even know. As we were at the gas station tonight he asked “Soo are we gonna hook up or what?” I’m not sure if he was serious or not.. but I said yes.

 

 

 

 

 

God. What am I doing?

 

 

 

 

 

Answer: I’m not sure. I’m not ever sure.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the upside.. I think I’ve found a direction that I want to go with my documentaries. I’ve always been into subcultures.. I think it’s something I’d like to do documentaries on… out side of the whole music thing. I want to do documentaries on Transitets and  Straight Edge kids/crews for sure though. I don’t know. Everyone has a basic idea of what straight edge is.. but idk I think it’d be nice to see further into it. I think it’s a project I’m going to start while I’m down here.